My Message for White Women

I am a white woman.

I just want to live. I want to be able to live my life the way I see fit. That is all I want. I am incredible fortunate to have been raised by parents who benefit during the historically unprecedened economic growth of the post WWII era. Many service people received the benefits of the colloquially named GI Bill. My up from poverty Dad is an example of excellence, is he not? He did well. As many people did. My Mom and Dad busted hump to do well for their kids. And they did. I received a college degree as a result of their efforts. Many people received great benefits from the post WWII economic boom.

Many white people.

Black people did not receive the benefits as whites did.

We hear a lot about the land of opportunity that is the US. What a load of shit. And women are starting to see the load of shit it is. You might even say that they are waking up. When Paris Paloma's Labour came to my attention, I thought, well about time. But white women waking up are doing something pretty bad.

They are calling on black women to join THEM with cries of unity or failure. And they are often saying No. Any why wouldn't they? We thought the feminist gains were the fait accompli. Done. Finit. And we wake to find this is not so. Everything women are seeing for the first time women of color have known all along. And have been fighting all along. They have been fighting us. You see the loud and proud maga women.

But not all white women! Stop. Breathe for a second. What do you hear when you hear "Not all men"? Do you hear, I get it. This is a problem. We need to take women's health and safety seriously? Do you see any actions behind those words within the sea of stuff you hear in our social spaces? I don't. I hear yah, sucks to be you, but this is just the way stuff is. That is exactly what "Not All White Women!" sounds like to me. I don't want to hear about your history. I don't want to recognize and accept how it is and how it has been.

What do women of color see from white women? "Aryan" looking MAGA women. Margorie Taylor Greene. And white women crying that black women don't love them. Over the course of American history, white women have been very dangerous to black people. We still are. My super liber social media feed is jammed with

• White women putting on black face to shop so that they can be arrested in order to get a job.

• Obviously, white women legislators parroting the MAGA nonsense with the vigor of righteous conviction.

• Rural Trump voters who, finally realizing the consequences of their actions, crying to others that no one cares about them.

• Recently "woke" cute little blond things yelling at black women for not accepting them. That in unity we scucceed, in division we fail. I am not talking to the ones above. I am talking to you. I used to be a cute little red haired thing. I have some age on me. And to suburban white women wondering what becomes of their kids. And all the other white women who are rightly scared AF.

Where were we when black women were shouting for our help? Where were we? We were busy in our homes looking to be "protected". We've experienced white guilt in our hearts, but have been propelled to no action. We have, often unwittingly, sown seeds of support for the horrific situation we now find ourselves. The fact that you don't or didn't see it does not change the truth. We live in a racist society. We live in a society whose ists and isms are driving us to insanity. We have lived in it, done nothing to change it, and now we are mad as hell because we just woke up.

In unity, we succeed. I agree with this. I agree that we are all aggrieved. There is a handful of people who gain, largely rich white men and those who encircle them picking up crumbs. If there is to be unity, and we want to be part of it, we need to ask ourselves some serious questions. Because history has shown us to be fickle, at best. I ask myself, if I want to unite with my women of color, am I going to stand with them when it starts to look bad for me? That is unity. Am I ready to do this? When the systems that I am used to become threatened, am I going to stand for the destruction of those systems when they oppress others? Am I ready to serve and not lead? That last is a bitter pill to swallow as my life already seems like a whole lot of non-consensual labor.

So what do we do?? We are fighting the same fight now! Ok, let's speak to that.

Learn. Instead of applying your humility to your engagement with white men, use it now elsewhere. Learn your history. Learn that identity politics of the patriarcy was not created by black and brown people, LGBTQ+ people, Islamic people, Jewish people. It was created by the patriarchy and works only for the patriarchy. Learn how this has been used across the course of our history to oppress. Whatever sounds bites and gaslighting you still have not processed on LGBTQ+ people, process it. They are people. You are not more important than they are because your god says so. And, while we are at it, recognize the role of religion on the division and control our patriarchal control board uses. By All Means be a Christian. But be educated about what christian churches have done over the course of Christianity's history so you can follow the actual meaning of the work of Jesus Christ. We need know what is going on to keep our own side of the street squeeky clean. At every step, when we feel our defensiveness rise, remember that is the playbook of the oppressor. They fight for their right to deny responsibility. We fight for the right to own responsibility.

Do The Work. Organizations are out there. Join them. You've just started. So take a seat. Listen. Sign up to help. And if you can, click that donate button. Personally, I no longer donate to the DNC. I will donate to specific democratic candidates. But I no longer donate to the party who never had progressive, or even left, ideals to begin with, who only sought to benefit differently by the application of the status quo.

Buy Right. This country is about money. And ease. Period. So buy right. If they won't hire black, brown people, gay, trans, don't buy there. Your craft hobby is not more important than human rights. Just say NO to the Hobby Lobby's of the world.

Listen. Listen more than you speak. This can be hard since we are realing from how little our voices have mattered. Many of us are just beginning to learn to speak our truth. Women of color have way more experience with this than we do. Women of color have no reason to trust us. They should not have the expectation of having to lead us to right knowledge, right understanding or right action. We are not there to bless their efforts with our shiny whiteness. We are there to learn how it is done.

Check your Values. I mean really think about your values. As you learn, the foundations and origins of your values will become more evident. This is a great opportunity to really examine your values with your mind and your heart.

Act. When you know the right action, take some deep breathes. Muster your courage. And do it.

Accept. I am a white woman in a society that hates us. They want us in their control. They don't see us as people but as unpaid service providers to them. And they think they deserve this. This is not a few bad apples. This is the seeds of history blooming into what was planted. And no one is coming to save us. They are our uncles, fathers, brothers and, yes, our sons. The pursuit of unified work means we have to de-prioritize those people, each according to their own behavior. And we need to be willing to let some of them go.

Self Care. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Check out the tools that people in your sphere have been calling weak. If the dude bros are calling it weak, it threatens them. Dance! Sing! Embrace joy with your community, old and new. Meditation is a much misunderstood practice. It is free. It feels good. And they don't want you to have it because it fuels your inner strength. Therapy and self help resources can be very great. The journals that help you focus on yoga, healthy habits or whatever makes your mind, feelings and body feel good are fuel for your fight. You don't need to buy a journal. It is notebook and paper. Vitamin D. Take in beauty. Remember your gratitude and your positive self affirmations. Take a look at your eating habits. Maybe make some steps to make that better. For yourself! Not for your "beach body" that you fear will be judged when you hit the beach next. For YOU. You deserve it. You deserve to feel good. You deserve to treat your body like the only body you will ever wear. It's not easy. This is true. Do it anyway.

Love. Be the love you want in the world.

We can't expect black women to come save us. But maybe we can join them in this fight.