Slay the Dragon, Get the Girl

I saw a clip the other day of someone who considered himself a feminist ally. His schtick is that Slay the Dragon and Get the Girl. His assumption that this goal is worthy and obvious. This is what men do! In doing so, the man should be a better version of himself to do that getting of said girl. I mean, ok, I guess that is a little better than being a full blown douchebag who see the only way to get a "girl" (why do grown men want girls?) is to force women back into legal servitude. We could rejoice at that voice, right?

I don't think so.

The goal is Getting The Girl. Working on himself is for that purpose only. Where is the goal of making himself a better person for his own sake? And what happens when he gets that girl? His character and integrity remains a show, a con and a lie. It was never him. It was the marketing campaign he used to get what he wanted. Having achieved the goal, what does he do now? Does he maintain that lie? Nope. He can't. It was never him.

What happens when slaying the dragon is boring? What does slaying the dragon mean in our culture? It means going to work every day and earning your daily bread against the forces of facism, oligarchy, plutocracy. It means raising your kids in rightness in the face of racism and sexism. That's freaking boring. Where is the dragon slaying? I hear you can find that in video games. A days work well done in the name of slaying dragons.

No gents. You can take the approach of playing nice just enough to get a girl. And you may. In 5, 10, 20 years, you will be "blindsided" when all the things she has been telling you that you have been ignoring as nagging or complaining come back to you in the form of a divorce filing. Or you can remain married, get fat, play your video games and whinge that your wife does not do her marital duty or only "provides" duty sex.

Or. You can build yourself. For youself. You can examine what you believe in and why. Why do you believe that a woman's heart, body and labor are for your benefit? Can you beleive that women were "put on this earth" for your benefit while believing that we are human beings with our own thoughts, feelings, goals and dreams?

But here is one that I want you to think about.

Who told you you could not do it on your own? That you needed a woman to validate your existence? Who taught you to hate yourself? Who taught you to believe that you don't have human value on your own and need a wife and kids to validate you and your existence?

Who told you that you were not worthy of love? Who told you that you could not have love so you have to take sex and domestic service instead? Probably your parents planted those seeds and the seeds were planted for them in their growing. Do you believe this? I don't.

What if your work was not slaying the dragon? What if the dragon you need to slay is the influence of a culture that does not care about you at all? You are the dollars and the labor you bring. That you can keep another person in line to support the flow of dollars, all the better. If you can raise children to continue the labor that keeps the dollars flowing, that is a massive success. What if you are a cog in the wheel of the long con? Because you are. Could you be a victim of the same bamboozle that you are actively advancing?

What if. You looked to your character, integrity and values for YOU? What if you looked the shame, guilt and pain that you feel and owned it? And solved it? Healed it? Is that weak? What happens to these weak men? When then? Won't you be lonely?

Maybe. Not likely. In addition to becoming comfortable with yourself, you are out there living. Meeting other people, Making friends. Friends. Yes, male friends. And women too. When you can get to know women without the pressure to turn them info girlfriend, wife, side piece, friend with benefits (which never has any friendship in it), you learn that they are people. Like you. You will even like some of them. And some of them will like and love you.

Malcom X. Would he be pissed at my using his words here? I think his wisdom is applicable to all of us in this moment. Who taught us to hate ourselves? I think the answer is the same for all of us. Hit me with an email if I got this wrong.